Questions, Questions everywhere...
The initial “wow” news of our adoption plans has pretty much so worn off. I’m sure many co-workers I’ve told have tucked the news way in the back of their brains, and maybe won’t even think about it again until we’re gone to China … thinking “hey – where has Chrissie been?”. Some occasionally ask “so anything new?” … which I always appreciate the gesture, but grow tired of saying “nothing new.” Sigh.
The most common question Chris and I get is, of course: Why China? I don’t think I’ve come up with the perfect answer for this, and then I think – why should I have to? I know our reasons. No one else really needs to know. If I were pregnant, would people ask: Why did you get pregnant? I doubt it.
A close second commonly asked question (which this one always just kills me): How expensive is that? That question I’ve gotten better about answering. A woman at work (who I know in passing but certainly not a close friend that I wouldn’t mind sharing costs with) asked me just last week, and I paused and then responded: If you’re interested in learning more about international adoption and the associated costs – there’s a ton of information online. Yup, that pretty much so ended the conversation.
And last, but not least – my favorite all time question (which has only been asked once): Gosh, how will you get her home?
Generally, I don’t mind curiosity. International adoption isn’t overly common in our area, so I understand people are going to ask questions. Although I worry what type of questions will be asked as our daughter gets older and can understand what people are asking. I would never want her to feel as though she’s anything less than what she’ll be – our daughter.
The most common question Chris and I get is, of course: Why China? I don’t think I’ve come up with the perfect answer for this, and then I think – why should I have to? I know our reasons. No one else really needs to know. If I were pregnant, would people ask: Why did you get pregnant? I doubt it.
A close second commonly asked question (which this one always just kills me): How expensive is that? That question I’ve gotten better about answering. A woman at work (who I know in passing but certainly not a close friend that I wouldn’t mind sharing costs with) asked me just last week, and I paused and then responded: If you’re interested in learning more about international adoption and the associated costs – there’s a ton of information online. Yup, that pretty much so ended the conversation.
And last, but not least – my favorite all time question (which has only been asked once): Gosh, how will you get her home?
Generally, I don’t mind curiosity. International adoption isn’t overly common in our area, so I understand people are going to ask questions. Although I worry what type of questions will be asked as our daughter gets older and can understand what people are asking. I would never want her to feel as though she’s anything less than what she’ll be – our daughter.
posted by Chrissie at
5:30 PM
4 Comments:
I love when people ask me how we'll get our child home. My DH always chimes in and says "In a car." You have to understand his sense of humor. But I truly understand your frustration because I'm feeling it, too. I wish I could shout from the hilltops that we were getting our son tomorrow. I'm terrible at the waiting game. When people ask me about the adoption (which is rarely, sadly) I talk about things we're buying for our son, things we're doing to decorate his nursery, and baby shower plans. Expectant mothers always talk about that same sort of stuff so I think we should be allowed to share all of our experiences, too!!!
It's difficult to know what the right way to answer these kinds of questions is. I've found myself tongue-tied many times. But the more often I'm asked a question, the shorter and more blunt my answers seem to get. People just don't realize how nosey and intrusive they're being. I love your response of directing someone to the internet for more info. on IA. I'm going to use that in the future!
I think you should use the sarcastic route and say to them - Well we picked China cuz at the time we were looking - China was giving a Rebate - only one per family, but a Rebate is a Rebate. Bummer is we don't get the Rebate papers until we pick up the merchandise (our baby). We expect a 5 week turn around time after though.
Then Smile and walk away! Never tell what the amount of the rebate is --- leave em guessin....
It sure is an interesting process isn't it? I think we will learn how to handle the questions over time. At first, I am often so shocked that people ask the things they ask!
If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger!
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